Hey guys, girls are “ people ” too
I was sitting at a meeting with several female writers, and we were getting loud. The cause: poo, obviously.
“I can’t even poop a guy’s house,” one said. “I’m just pretending I’m in there fixing my hair or brushing my teeth.”
“I’ve been seeing this guy for months and still haven’t pooped around him,” added another.
“I don’t want them to think I have something coming out of a hole right next to the one they’re putting something in,” added a third woman.
At that point, I had to speak.
“I’m just telling them,” I said. “If I’m on a date. If I’m at a guy’s house. What’s the point of hiding it? He knows what you’re doing in there, that’s pretty obvious.”
Obviously, I had an unpopular opinion. No one seemed to like my frankness about gut moments.
I’ll be honest, I felt uncomfortable when I had to go to the bathroom. I generally avoid using the bathroom in his apartment, if I can.
However, I am also a girl with a extremely sensitive stomach. Holding back my poop doesn’t exactly go along with being both lactose intolerant and needing to be near a bathroom all the time.
Guys, stop pretending girls don’t poop.
A guy I dated told me he didn’t believe girls used the bathroom for anything other than peeing until they were 17. I would say he didn’t know where the babies came from either, but I would be lying.
Look, I understand. The “girls don’t fart” joke was funny until we were, I don’t know, 14 years old. After that, you just seem ignorant.
Don’t make it weird.
Look, shit happens to all of us. Some of us poop more than others. It’s cool. It’s normal. What’s not normal is how guys give this heal you spend a little more time in the bathroom than usual.
Look, you know what I did, I know what I did and I don’t care to discuss it.
To be honest, girls, you make things a little weird too. Stop bypassing the problem and accept it. Recognize that you are a human with a hole in your butt and sometimes you have to use it for things other than awkwardly sticking your fingers together during foreplay.
I’m not saying you should tell a guy you have to use the can on a first date. But, you know, don’t pretend you’re going there to “do your hair.” Nobody believes this shit.
Being a poo machine doesn’t make me any less feminine.
A friend’s guy once told him that it was weird when girls talked about dumping because he considered it “unfeminine” and “disgusting.”
Okay, raise your hand if you’ve had a dump this week. If your hand isn’t up, I really hope you have a date tonight – with your gastroenterologist.
Look, all the guys I know are great at crass, mean shit. I’m talking about elephant farts, weird porn, and “2 girls, 1 cup”. If a guy says you’re not feminine enough for him because you use the bathroom like a normal human being, then maybe this guy needs to get out of your life for good, STAT.
Why can’t we just talk about it?
We are talking about anal bleaching and on the anal plugs. We even tackle the subject of rim work with ease. But does the point of pooping turn into discussion? No, it’s weird. We growl.
To that, I say why? We’re culturally shaped to share, but can’t we discuss the one topic that virtually everyone on the planet has an opinion on? It does not mean anything.
Warning: most guys don’t care.
Oh, did you use her bathroom for back number? Great, I hope you blushed. If you don’t do one thing with it, neither will it.
Poop anxiety, also known as parcopresis, is real. But it doesn’t have to be real with him.
Your office bathroom, though? This shit is distressing.