Weird politics: send a gag order to your local MP
FINALLY, a sadomasochistic solution for voters tired of rote learning from politicians.
Now you can send a bullet gag and a heartfelt message of contempt to your least favorite gum-flapping pollie for just $ 14.99.
A wise guy (not me, alas) created a website called GagYourMP.com which claims to do exactly what its name suggests.
Pick your most talkative MP or Senator, attach an anonymous message, enter your details and Barnaby is your uncle.
Their election office will receive a synthetic leather neck strap (adjustable for comfort, naturally) with a bright red sphere preventing speech to their gob slogans.
A card has already been sent to Senator Cory Bernardi, a marginal resident of the Liberal Party, whose safe word this Strange Politics correspondent imagines would be “traditional family.”
“Thank you for being the inspiration behind this project,” the greeting card said, as posted on Twitter.
“Your kind words helped dismantle Safe Schools, a program put in place to help our vulnerable children.
“Please use this the next time you want to help.”
It is not known if Immigration Minister Peter Dutton has taken delivery of one of these essential accessories for any discerning bondage enthusiast.
But have you heard anything other than a glance from him in weeks?
It’s almost as if Dutton is so enamored with his hypothetical new mouth port that he survives on a diet of soup only in the little-known dungeon as Kirribilli House.
Presumably a pub steak wouldn’t be on the menu.
Either that or Malcolm Turnbull ultimately hinted that a public relations disaster would ensue whenever Dickson’s MP opened his mouth about illiterate refugees and vowed to remain silent, at least on what concerns unwritten interviews.
It is assumed that the forgetful Labor property mogul David Feeney had a similar slap on his shoulder.
I spoke with GagYourMP.com creator Tyler Hamilton about what drove this bizarre concept.
“During the school safety fiasco, I read online that someone wanted to send a shipment of butt plugs to Cory Bernadi to prevent him from talking about his ass,” Hamilton said.
“I found it funny and wondered if there was really a way to do something similar.
“The bullet gags just seemed to make more sense.
“After I got the idea in my head, I decided to order a shipment of bullet gags from China and go for it.
Strange Politics isn’t entirely sure that’s what the Coalition had in mind when they launched their Ideas Boom.
Strange Politics is a satirical column. Follow Chris Calcino on Twitter: @ChrisCalcino